Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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