I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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