Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Randomize
