It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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