so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
