worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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