I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
