Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
