I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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