Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
