pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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