People in love make me want to vomit
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
