The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
