Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
