I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
