yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dad just said "fuck circus"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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