well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
