Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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