guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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