The maid of honor just puked.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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