I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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