i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
