the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
