Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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