trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
