If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
