If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
