just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
