Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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