Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
