my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
