Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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