My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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