Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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