I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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