No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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