...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
there is glitter all over my balls
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