i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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