A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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