i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
