Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
