cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
