I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
