Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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