I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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