I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
