what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
