You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
