I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i believe in u and ur pee
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
soo... how was my night?
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