dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
